There are many mysteries to solve out there in all this expansive land. When we explore, we are discovering new and fascinating wonders that we did not know existed for us. We are trying to go beyond our normal boundaries and find out what these new wonders are and what we can learn from out new experiences.
In high school, the discovery of new things was limited by my family because I was very involved in training my voice to speak clearly and also not to be so fearful of making mistakes in front of other people. It was so much easier for me to involve myself in things that did not include socialization. I was sure that would come maybe next year or the next. I thought and suggested to my family, let's wait until next year or the next to pursue this socialization experience. It would be easier next year for me when I am ready. It all sounded so easy. Unfortunately for me, it turned into years.
As I pursued my college education which turned into many years, I was okay with being on my own with limited socialization at school. I wondered how others who had speech difficulties and some fears of socialization experienced new settings especially on their own. It is really no fun all the time to go places by yourself. When I did go out on my own, I just played a part, like being a stealth person. No one would see me, I thought, if I could be stealth. I could probably go anywhere unnoticed if I practiced enough. That was cool for awhile. It gave me a chance to observe other people in 2 or 3 or groups of people going about their lives. I often wondered how I could do the same.
I also observed many people on their own living their lives with just as much happiness. So it is okay to be in both settings. Many people like to be on their own, doing their own things and it gives them a lot of free range. As an only child and I am sure that there are many, it is a lesson in knowing who you are and being able to express yourself in ways that include you in groups of people but also gives you the freedom to decide for yourself what you want to do and when you do it as your personal journey that you want to take for yourself. It may be that some people see this as an excuse, but I am stepping out a little at a time, while getting out of my comfort zone and slowly expressing my overall potential. If I can reach that position or spot on the map of life, then I will hopefully make new X’s on the map to achieve success my way, the XZAKLEE way.